is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
