just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
