Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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