He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
