apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
