I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
