Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
