i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
