You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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