I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
