I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
