ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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