absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
