Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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