Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
