remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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