I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
