He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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