I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
