Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
