Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
