please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
