Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
