He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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