maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
