When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
