I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
pray to the hookup gods
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
