Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
