bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
one two three fourrrrnication!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
