please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Boobs speak an international language.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
