While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
