I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
