Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
