I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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