If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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