what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
