if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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