This is not my ceiling
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
