Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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