I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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