So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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