I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
