I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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