At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
