Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
