I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
