i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
