forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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