note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
