You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
