she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
