Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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