the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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