I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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