oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
