I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
