In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
