I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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