Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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