I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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