Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
