Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
