then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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