Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
