feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
