I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
